Saturday, May 9, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Revival
Am at the stage of revival - pulling myself out of this unnecessary - prolonged grief where I do not have intrinsic motivation to live my life happily - I lost my ability to express fully, ability/motivation to learn new things in life - feel happy abt life and bring happiness to people around me. Too many dark thoughts entered into my mind and changed my life to a void, quiet and lifeless state- Since am aware of how life should feel - I am hoping for a change and I see it imminent.
State of my health
Long time since I posted my earlier blog - Life does not feel good at this stage - Lot of things seem to go wrong - my health - my personal relationships - my career goals - my dreams - life seems to have come to a halt after running through a mill of routine mundane tasks which I hated doing since I joined my business school -
Good health is something which has not factored very well in my life - Right from the age of 19, I have this illusory thoughts in my head (coupled with Physical pain points in my body) that makes me feel that I have this incurable disease which would be eating myself away - Could not sink it in for the first year of this occurrence of this illusion(as perceived by people around me) or this dreadful and painful condition(as perceived by my brain). As and when I started to learn more about life and the possibilities that it can offer and the kind of alternative treatments that are available to some of the deadliest of diseases and after hearing stories about people having miraculously revived their health - I came to terms with my condition at age 20 and with that faint hope of becoming better one day with all my cells happily dancing to the tunes of the beautiful life - I have lived with no regrets till today. Unfortunately - After being out of friendship loops and all my interests being buried under the ground, I have gotten even sicker over the past 6 months- I have a few sensations in my body at this point which gives me very wrong - painful feelings inside me - All I hope for is a change - am confident that Life heals everyone - I am unaware of what exactly is the problem - tried to investigate this medically(no luck so far) but am sure each problem under the sun could be defined to its fullest length and once the grassroots are reached - problem could be solved. All you need is more information - lack of information would always keep you hanging on top of the cliff-
I would feel extremely lucky if things get resolved in terms of my health - but i feel fortunate enough to be have the power to withstand this and not be crippled by this condition and let the fate ruin me. When I see so much of suffering that exists in so many other people's lives - i do not think that I am in a bad shape - but what kills me most is the fact that my condition is unknown and we are not able to pinpoint this to any specific disease -
As each day passes by, I am hoping to find the missing pieces and try to kick the problem out of my system - and get back to 'Normal' living which I have been deprived of since age 19.
Good health is something which has not factored very well in my life - Right from the age of 19, I have this illusory thoughts in my head (coupled with Physical pain points in my body) that makes me feel that I have this incurable disease which would be eating myself away - Could not sink it in for the first year of this occurrence of this illusion(as perceived by people around me) or this dreadful and painful condition(as perceived by my brain). As and when I started to learn more about life and the possibilities that it can offer and the kind of alternative treatments that are available to some of the deadliest of diseases and after hearing stories about people having miraculously revived their health - I came to terms with my condition at age 20 and with that faint hope of becoming better one day with all my cells happily dancing to the tunes of the beautiful life - I have lived with no regrets till today. Unfortunately - After being out of friendship loops and all my interests being buried under the ground, I have gotten even sicker over the past 6 months- I have a few sensations in my body at this point which gives me very wrong - painful feelings inside me - All I hope for is a change - am confident that Life heals everyone - I am unaware of what exactly is the problem - tried to investigate this medically(no luck so far) but am sure each problem under the sun could be defined to its fullest length and once the grassroots are reached - problem could be solved. All you need is more information - lack of information would always keep you hanging on top of the cliff-
I would feel extremely lucky if things get resolved in terms of my health - but i feel fortunate enough to be have the power to withstand this and not be crippled by this condition and let the fate ruin me. When I see so much of suffering that exists in so many other people's lives - i do not think that I am in a bad shape - but what kills me most is the fact that my condition is unknown and we are not able to pinpoint this to any specific disease -
As each day passes by, I am hoping to find the missing pieces and try to kick the problem out of my system - and get back to 'Normal' living which I have been deprived of since age 19.
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